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Opinion: The recipe for the perfect Social Media Warrior

HOLLYWOOD, MD -- BREAKING NEWS! Something catastrophic has happened across the country. A bombing, a celebrity overdosed, the government passing new legislation to take away more of our money in an obvious attempt to satisfy their greed or desire to control the masses. 

Whatever it is, it's big and bad and the world is only going to benefit from me opening my over-sized mouth and putting my fingers into overdrive as I don my virtual Social Media Warrior armor. 

As these terrible events are occurring, I am live-tweeting my reactions. I'm posting heart-breaking status updates making the bad news more about me than what is happening.

It's important that my over-opinionated P.C. social media world knows exactly how I'm feeling.  

Using carefully considered phrases, such as "Prayers for the family" with one of those hand emojis, or "Trump Train 2016!" or "OBOZO DOES IT AGAIN," I invest my thoughts into an intelligent statement that all of my friends and followers should like. 

I have to frame my opinion in such a way to appeal to as many of my Facebook friends as possible, even if I haven't physically seen them in ages. But they'll still understand where I'm coming from even if its been years since we saw each other at our high school graduation. 

Multiple exclamation points or question marks will pepper through the post. It'll only give readers the indication of how passionate I feel about whatever just happened. 

Oh, and nobody will mind if I misspell words occasionally. Skip a consonant or two, and use abbreviations such as IMO, SMH, or WTF. I just know they'll get the point and agree anyway.

In this update, I'll ask that people hold themselves to higher standards than I am capable of, because I have the freedom of speech on my side and I can say whatever I want with my 140 character limit. I feel as though I am not accountable for what I say online. 

And then my friends and followers will like, comment or re-tweet my post, and I will feel better about my life knowing that I was acknowledged online and my opinion passes as acceptable. 

If someone comments and tells me that I need to change my attitude or perspective, I'll let them know how wrong they are as I attack them. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but my virtual words will haunt you for the next few hours. 

In reality, these social media posts are no different than shouting into the sky. Not only do I look foolish for my ignorant thoughts, I have just forced my virtual community to read it all. And I still expect them to like and comment. I don't want to be ignored on social media, I want to be praised and accepted. 

Anything for a like, right? Be careful what you post online. It's better to be thought a fool than to show the world with your social media usage.

I've had my say, now what's yours? Let's share.

Contact Jacqui Atkielski at j.atkielski@thebaynet.com

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